Sexless in the Desert: Arizona dating= FAIL as of yet

This year I turned 30…it was pretty fu#$ing epic. I had an 80’s party at my apartment and spent my actual birthday drinking sangria and dancing with my six-month-old nephew to 60’s and 70’s music (really actually one of the best birthday years in a while).  Most people spend their 30^th birthday in a lot more elaborate ways, like by cruusin’ to Mexico via Carnival, but mine was mellow and spent with good friends and my parents…it was good for me. I bring up 30, because it also marked an age that most people dread especially if they are currently single.

            I feel like dating at 30 is a whole different ballgame. Like if you don’t hit a homerun by 25 as a female in the dating world, the men left are of a whole other breed. Single but divorced with two kids…ugh sorry, but I don’t even know if I want my own child sir. The 24-year-old who has “mommy issues” and chases older women, but still wants to act like every night out is a trip to TAO at the Venetian in Las Vegas. The half-ies, which is a group I consider the 26-35 year olds who are still single/want a relationship/ still want to party at TAO/ yet like you one day/ don’t like you the next/ still are unsure of what they want to do with their life/ they are jealous of their married friends yet don’t want to get married yet/ waste of my time. If you saw my inbox on dating websites you would understand how frustrating dating at 30 is in comparison to dating at 23. There are not a lot of fishes in the sea anymore…the good ones are taken, gay, in the middle of a divorce or still not ready for a commitment…that’s what I have learned. So at 30 and single, dating is pretty much leaving me still sexless in the desert at this moment.

            Just like everyone else in this world I want to find my BBFL (Best Boy For Life…not sure if this is a real abbreviation, but when I find him I plan to start adding #BBLF to every pic of us on Instgram…just sayin).  I think all men are great. My dating life/ chillin with men experiences have truthfully helped me to decide what I want and don’t want in a BBFL, in order for me to avoid the “Big D” and find true happiness. I don’t stress out about finding a guy at my age, because I feel like I am chasing my fu$%ing time-clock… I just am at the time in Ife where I am ready to find the person I can share my life with and have a lot of fun with.

            I saw one of those quotes everyone shares on Facebook the other day that I think bests describes my expectations as a single-lady (at 30 I guess lady begins to apply). The quote stated, “ I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade…and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”…I saw this and thought to myself…”Fo-real! That is exactly what I am looking for in life”. I mean I’m not a full-blown alcoholic, but I like craft-beer, margaritas and moscato and enjoy good times, while achieving a buzz every now and then, I’m A’ Merikan that’s what we do. I want to find someone who wants to enjoy life as a “party”, money isn’t everything, a house and kids I guess if its in the cards, but truthfully someone I can just laugh with, like a best friend. I am ready for a good mixture of lemonade and vodka.

            In my dating life in general, not just the sexless cacti-land, I have recently learned that dating at my age is definitely more difficult, but it offers good stories and makes this blog a lot more exciting.  I also realized recently that with the quote above sometimes as women we offer lemonade, but we may be looking for a certain type of vodka. Maybe you prefer Kettle One or Smirnoff or you are ok with settling for grocery-store brand vodka (please bring your levels higher, because Stater Bros. brand vodka made me vomit all night once when I was 20…just sayin). Anyways, my point is that even though I wish I wasn’t single I decided recently that I haven’t found the right vodka to mix with my lemonade and that’s ok. Every dating experience teaches me something new and even though recently I have been experiencing Smirnoff vodka, I know the Grey Goose brand will come one day. This is why my new dating motto...”On to the Next!!!”

            Although the fishes in the sea are scarce, I will continue my attempt and share along the way. When things don’t work out though it is ok to be upset…just sayin’… but with a motto like “On to the Next” or as my boss says, “ Guys are like buses…there’s always another one to pick you up”…I’m telling you dating at 30 is a lot more easier. And knowing what kind of vodka you prefer makes the deletion process a whole lot easier and saves a lot of heartbreak…just sayin’.

Inspired By Kelly Cutrone

“Believe that your inner voice is the voice of your soul…and it knows and wants what’s best for you and will lead you to your individual purpose and destiny”- Kelly Cutrone

Kelly Cutrone, I heart you and your books honestly inspired me. Some people come into our life and even though you know you will never meet them, the impact they had on your life is remarkable. Kelly Cutrone is up there with Oprah on the list of women who inspired my life through watching, reading or viewing their ability to follow their dreams and turn their lives into a form of inspiration to others (something I dream to do…just sayin’). I highly recommend both of her books that I read last year, “If You Have To Cry Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You” (I actually go outside and cry on occasion to release stress from work) and “Normal Gets You Nowhere”. 

I have not written in a long time for myself. I moved to Arizona to gain independence and learned quickly that living 100 percent alone costs a lot of money, whether in my hometown of dolla-dolla-bills-y’all Orange County or in borderline low-income housing apartments in Arizona. My life until about a two months ago, has been me spending 35-40 hours at one job and coming home to work all hours of the night 20-30 hours a week at another job. My dream took a trip to the back burner on my electric stove in my scorpion-ville apartment (I mean this literally… finding scorpions in ones home where I live will mos def happen).

Long story short, my adventures in cacti-land have been pretty uneventful until recently. Working so many hours, I was lucky to take a nap before heading to one of my jobs most days. Occasionally I could fit in a Sunday BBQ with my friends to regain my sanity. I decided a few months ago to rearrange my life. I got a roommate to alleviate the stress of paying to have a roof over my head and to help pay the summer air conditioning bill (which is almost double in order to endure 100 plus degree weather in the heart of the Merikan desert).  I quit my second job and decided it was time to write again. The whole main purpose of my relocation to deserts-r-us was to disconnect from my former reality and to start a writing career…and to follow my soul.

Today I sat down to write, I opened up my writing journal of ideas, and this Kelly Cutrone quote I wrote down flipped its way back into my life. I jotted it down while reading one of her books, because it spoke to me. All while I was working both jobs and going through the motions of surviving life in a mundane routine, my soul was calling me to follow my dream. Not a day goes by where I am not constantly thinking, daydreaming or wishing that I was pursuing some sort of writing career…but I want to pursue it on my terms and writing what I want. Each day I work hard for other people to help them to continue to pursue their dreams and I finally realized recently that its time for me to finally put in longer hours to help me follow the voice of my soul. My soul continuously talks to me about writing and has since I was a child.

I am pretty stoked to attempt to stay committed to following my inner voice this year, as Ms. Cutrone inspired me and other women to do through her writing.  Last year was about gaining independence and learning a whole slew of lessons about myself, this year is the time to achieve the goal of writing daily, learning to self-publish and following the path of my soul, which apparently knows what’s best for me…just sayin’.