As a woman hormones
take control of my life once a month and I, like all women, crave food I generally
try to avoid. (Before the monthly visitor arrives all women will relate to
uncontrollable urges to consume chocolate or junk food…just sayin’.) This week
my craving led me to the grocery store in pursuit of my favorite snack…chips
and salsa.
Now that I gained independence and moved to the outskirts of
Phoenix, I now label myself “Sexless in the Desert” instead of “Sexless in the
Suburbs”. Living solo, on occasion I find myself wishing a male would come over
and watch episodes of “Two Broke Girls” with me, or I could holla at him when,
as a weak woman, I find myself incapable of opening up the salsa jar, so my craving
for my favorite snack may be fulfilled.
I spent about 20 minutes last night trying to open a jar of
salsa. I twisted and turned the lid in hopes the jar would open. After minutes
of frustration and defeat, my hand started to become soar and I felt my dream
to eat my beloved snack began to seem impossible. I proceeded to beat the lid
with a knife to loosen the mega extreme seal the salsa company placed on the jar
for extra long preservation, and finally minutes later my salsa and chip eating
could commence as I achieved success in finally opening the jar.
While I held a UFC match against a jar of salsa in my
kitchen, I thought to myself about how nice it might be for a buff man from
Australia to come waltzing through my pantry door, and with a swift turn (just
one attempt in comparison to my 37) he would open my jar of salsa, and maybe
even possibly join me for a snack.
Moments where the help of man would eliminate the chance of
me breaking my wrist to fulfill my hormonal need for a snack, make me laugh
inside, as I remember not only do I remain sexless in the desert aka totally
single, but the use of a man for moments of jar opening crisis would be lovely…just
sayin’.
