Sexless in the Desert: Arizona dating= FAIL as of yet

This year I turned 30…it was pretty fu#$ing epic. I had an 80’s party at my apartment and spent my actual birthday drinking sangria and dancing with my six-month-old nephew to 60’s and 70’s music (really actually one of the best birthday years in a while).  Most people spend their 30^th birthday in a lot more elaborate ways, like by cruusin’ to Mexico via Carnival, but mine was mellow and spent with good friends and my parents…it was good for me. I bring up 30, because it also marked an age that most people dread especially if they are currently single.

            I feel like dating at 30 is a whole different ballgame. Like if you don’t hit a homerun by 25 as a female in the dating world, the men left are of a whole other breed. Single but divorced with two kids…ugh sorry, but I don’t even know if I want my own child sir. The 24-year-old who has “mommy issues” and chases older women, but still wants to act like every night out is a trip to TAO at the Venetian in Las Vegas. The half-ies, which is a group I consider the 26-35 year olds who are still single/want a relationship/ still want to party at TAO/ yet like you one day/ don’t like you the next/ still are unsure of what they want to do with their life/ they are jealous of their married friends yet don’t want to get married yet/ waste of my time. If you saw my inbox on dating websites you would understand how frustrating dating at 30 is in comparison to dating at 23. There are not a lot of fishes in the sea anymore…the good ones are taken, gay, in the middle of a divorce or still not ready for a commitment…that’s what I have learned. So at 30 and single, dating is pretty much leaving me still sexless in the desert at this moment.

            Just like everyone else in this world I want to find my BBFL (Best Boy For Life…not sure if this is a real abbreviation, but when I find him I plan to start adding #BBLF to every pic of us on Instgram…just sayin).  I think all men are great. My dating life/ chillin with men experiences have truthfully helped me to decide what I want and don’t want in a BBFL, in order for me to avoid the “Big D” and find true happiness. I don’t stress out about finding a guy at my age, because I feel like I am chasing my fu$%ing time-clock… I just am at the time in Ife where I am ready to find the person I can share my life with and have a lot of fun with.

            I saw one of those quotes everyone shares on Facebook the other day that I think bests describes my expectations as a single-lady (at 30 I guess lady begins to apply). The quote stated, “ I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade…and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”…I saw this and thought to myself…”Fo-real! That is exactly what I am looking for in life”. I mean I’m not a full-blown alcoholic, but I like craft-beer, margaritas and moscato and enjoy good times, while achieving a buzz every now and then, I’m A’ Merikan that’s what we do. I want to find someone who wants to enjoy life as a “party”, money isn’t everything, a house and kids I guess if its in the cards, but truthfully someone I can just laugh with, like a best friend. I am ready for a good mixture of lemonade and vodka.

            In my dating life in general, not just the sexless cacti-land, I have recently learned that dating at my age is definitely more difficult, but it offers good stories and makes this blog a lot more exciting.  I also realized recently that with the quote above sometimes as women we offer lemonade, but we may be looking for a certain type of vodka. Maybe you prefer Kettle One or Smirnoff or you are ok with settling for grocery-store brand vodka (please bring your levels higher, because Stater Bros. brand vodka made me vomit all night once when I was 20…just sayin). Anyways, my point is that even though I wish I wasn’t single I decided recently that I haven’t found the right vodka to mix with my lemonade and that’s ok. Every dating experience teaches me something new and even though recently I have been experiencing Smirnoff vodka, I know the Grey Goose brand will come one day. This is why my new dating motto...”On to the Next!!!”

            Although the fishes in the sea are scarce, I will continue my attempt and share along the way. When things don’t work out though it is ok to be upset…just sayin’… but with a motto like “On to the Next” or as my boss says, “ Guys are like buses…there’s always another one to pick you up”…I’m telling you dating at 30 is a lot more easier. And knowing what kind of vodka you prefer makes the deletion process a whole lot easier and saves a lot of heartbreak…just sayin’.

Inspired By Kelly Cutrone

“Believe that your inner voice is the voice of your soul…and it knows and wants what’s best for you and will lead you to your individual purpose and destiny”- Kelly Cutrone

Kelly Cutrone, I heart you and your books honestly inspired me. Some people come into our life and even though you know you will never meet them, the impact they had on your life is remarkable. Kelly Cutrone is up there with Oprah on the list of women who inspired my life through watching, reading or viewing their ability to follow their dreams and turn their lives into a form of inspiration to others (something I dream to do…just sayin’). I highly recommend both of her books that I read last year, “If You Have To Cry Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You” (I actually go outside and cry on occasion to release stress from work) and “Normal Gets You Nowhere”. 

I have not written in a long time for myself. I moved to Arizona to gain independence and learned quickly that living 100 percent alone costs a lot of money, whether in my hometown of dolla-dolla-bills-y’all Orange County or in borderline low-income housing apartments in Arizona. My life until about a two months ago, has been me spending 35-40 hours at one job and coming home to work all hours of the night 20-30 hours a week at another job. My dream took a trip to the back burner on my electric stove in my scorpion-ville apartment (I mean this literally… finding scorpions in ones home where I live will mos def happen).

Long story short, my adventures in cacti-land have been pretty uneventful until recently. Working so many hours, I was lucky to take a nap before heading to one of my jobs most days. Occasionally I could fit in a Sunday BBQ with my friends to regain my sanity. I decided a few months ago to rearrange my life. I got a roommate to alleviate the stress of paying to have a roof over my head and to help pay the summer air conditioning bill (which is almost double in order to endure 100 plus degree weather in the heart of the Merikan desert).  I quit my second job and decided it was time to write again. The whole main purpose of my relocation to deserts-r-us was to disconnect from my former reality and to start a writing career…and to follow my soul.

Today I sat down to write, I opened up my writing journal of ideas, and this Kelly Cutrone quote I wrote down flipped its way back into my life. I jotted it down while reading one of her books, because it spoke to me. All while I was working both jobs and going through the motions of surviving life in a mundane routine, my soul was calling me to follow my dream. Not a day goes by where I am not constantly thinking, daydreaming or wishing that I was pursuing some sort of writing career…but I want to pursue it on my terms and writing what I want. Each day I work hard for other people to help them to continue to pursue their dreams and I finally realized recently that its time for me to finally put in longer hours to help me follow the voice of my soul. My soul continuously talks to me about writing and has since I was a child.

I am pretty stoked to attempt to stay committed to following my inner voice this year, as Ms. Cutrone inspired me and other women to do through her writing.  Last year was about gaining independence and learning a whole slew of lessons about myself, this year is the time to achieve the goal of writing daily, learning to self-publish and following the path of my soul, which apparently knows what’s best for me…just sayin’. 

Happy New Year

“Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one,” 2014 (Anonymous).

It’s New Years Eve and just like last year, I am spending it alone at home. I am cooking myself a nice meal, indulging in a few beers and reflecting on the past year. I saw the quote above on Facebook a few times today and it really spoke to me. While most people are partying it up, I decided to stay home and start literally writing the book of 2014. I have wanted to write my whole life, yet my own demons and other people (assholes mainly), have gotten in the way of that the past 30 years (that’s right the new year also equals me entering my 30’s…holy fucking shit!!!).

I attempted to start writing regularly in 2012 and failed, because I had a lot of personal things I needed to accomplish. Although my struggle to pursue writing has haunted me throughout 2013, I realized that I needed 2013 to grow personally. On January 18, 2013, I decided to leave my hometown of Orange County, CA and move to the desert of Arizona all by myself. I knew some family and one friend (my bestie since the age of three, but I moved somewhere in this scorpion filled land all alone).

I learned quickly that one job wasn’t going to hack it in the bill area, even in a cheaper area of living. So for months I worked crazy hours at two jobs, but I wouldn’t change that experience for anything. I am pretty resilient and although lack of sleep affected my mood at times, I proved to myself that despite moments of insanity, I could do whatever it takes to survive financially on my own (the main goal of moving to Arizona was to finally gain independence and to help relieve my parents of the burden of helping me). The next year I plan to blog daily and share what I learned in 2013 with the world. I also plan to start writing the book that has been bubbling inside my head for years. I don’t want to waste another minute of my life wishing I was pursuing my dreams (that’s what my 30^th birthday made me realize…. holy shit I’m 30! My dreams need to start now before I am another minute older…just sayin’).

 I spent the holidays with my parents who have loved and supported me no matter what. My dad’s gift to me was a lot of writing support, my friends in Arizona gave me writing journals for my birthday and my mom is just amazing always. My friends back home believe in me and support me as well. 2014 is literally about me writing my book. I am committing this year to pursuing my dreams that so many people support (I even returned to work after 5 days off to a post-it from a customer about a writing website…love-it from a post-it).

All in all…. I am 30, single (ugh! Another battle you will experience, because everyone on Facebook is married with kids!) and pursuing my dreams. I am planning to write a book and literally write continuously for the next 365 days of 2014! I hope you follow my pursuit of my dreams, learn from my experiences and through my journey start to follow your own dreams…whatever that may be to you. 

S@#$ Happens...But Seriously?

The other day on Instagram, a person who shall remain nameless, posted a picture of their child’s poop all over her clothes. Really? Does this seem to be something that anyone needs to witness?

As a single lady who still remains undecided about the need to fill her own life with a child or two, I find certain things about your child should remain on a-need-to-know-basis or maybe even be placed in the “what-you-do-in-your-private-time-is-really-known-of-my-business” category.

At my age I find myself inundated with pictures of my former high school classmates holding count downs until baby three comes on Facebook, pictures of baby bumps, pictures of newborns, and holiday cards of families. I enjoy witnessing my friend’s son pitch his first baseball game on Facebook, because my busy life does not allow me to attend these moments all the time. I truly remain happy that people from my past found love and joy in building a family life. I myself remain a kid at heart.

Certain pictures of a child and what they do should remain off the Internet, because as much as we love our friends child and his or her pictures, we do not need to know every time they use the restroom or view pictures of explosive diarrhea on Instagram…seriously?

Maybe taking sort of a “What would Jesus do?” outlook of the situation, but for parents “What would my friends do if they saw this?” or remember this blog post, and ask yourself, “What would Styna do?” If I do ever decide to bare a child in this lifetime, Styna would not share puke, poop, broken bones from hockey matches, or any other thing that might make all my followers on Instagram throw up in their mouth…just sayin’.

I want to know when my friends kid wins an award, scores a soccer goal, and what they wear for Halloween, the cute things. The exciting moments Facebook allows people to share with family and friends, so even during the hustle and bustle we still feel present in our friend’s kid’s lives. But certain things I would rather pretend did not happen, because as a single childless lady I often disregard that gross things happen when a child enters the world.

I know an Emoji exists where a pile of poop displays a smiley face (this makes people laugh), but images of a baby’s poop on Instagram will not receive a smiley face response from all your followers.

Lonely Inspiration

I spent the past few weeks on my new adventure to Scorpionville, adjusting to the idea of being alone. The opportunity to shoot one of my besties a text asking to grab a quick bite after work no longer appears to be an option. Unfortunately friends do not appear at the front door over night with wine in one hand and “The Notebook” in the other, ready to indulge in girls night (neither do hot cowboys with roses in hand asking to spend the night line dancing…a lady’s entitled to a good daydream).

I literally reverted to my 12-year-old self and found myself crying rivers of poor-me-I’m-friendless-in-the-desert (along with sexless in the desert). I went from a small private elementary school to a giant public Jr. High back in the day, I literally knew no one the first day of school. I ate lunch alone and cried to my mom every night. I swore I would never make friends and my life clearly was two lonely lunches away from ending. Eventually, I made friends (some of which I still talk to regularly) and from ages 12-29 I actually made 100’s of friends. The past three weeks I felt disheartened again that no one would ever want to eat lunch with me (I flashed back to me wearing a pair of jeans and a Roxy shirt in a corner alone eating a PB&J sandwich with the crust cut off). I even started to wonder if I made the wrong decision moving away from everyone I knew and loved for the past 29 years.

A conversation with a coworker though lifted my spirits, as I pouted like a 12-year-old about my loneliness and my desire to appear in social settings once again. He reminded me that three weeks did not allow enough time to make life long friends and not to worry. Him and another coworker expressed that my move alone to the unknown is not something most people seem capable of experiencing and my ability to do so showed strength.

After that conversation I now realize, like my 12-year-old self, I would eventually be ok and make new friends (I always do…people enjoy my company…just sayin’). Along with multiple pep talks from people back home, I noticed my actions began helping my ability to achieve one of my goals… to inspire people.

Inspiring people to step outside their comfort zone and pursue dreams along the way makes the 12-year-old inside of me resilient and helps me realize my dream to achieve my bigger goal of writing remains my number one purpose of traveling to the land of the cacti. The concept of inspiring people through my own life experiences could only be described as awesome and of coarse I began to make friends just like I did seventeen years ago.