Sexless In The Suburbs...#OkCupid

 

I recently ventured back online to find Mr. Right. Ok Cupid, a free “dating app” for my I-Phone, displays a large selection of eligible bachelors for me to choose from. In the past year, I experienced three dates and text one guy a few times that never went anywhere. The text man ended, because before I even met the dude he began referring to me as “babe” (I rarely ever referred to my ex-boyfriend as babe, unless I tell you you’re my man, please don’t call me babe…thanks). One guy claimed to be 5’8” (shorter than me at 5’4”) and thought that growing up in Napa, partying with winery kids, and name-dropping made him cool. One guy actually showed some potential, but he clearly could not handle my blunt, sarcastic personality.

Many people attempt to message me, but I rarely reply. If the only picture on your profile displays you kneeled down next to a mini-frig filled with Coors Light, I may not reply. If your special interests include regular pub-crawls with your “homies”, I may not reply. If you cannot even hold a decent conversation through messaging, I may stop replying. 40-50 age group, sorry replying is not even an option, do not try to “hit” this, there is no interest in my life to be your young pretty girlfriend…good luck with that mid-life crisis. If you display pictures with half naked girls, I already imagined you cheating on me with a stripper, thanks for applying, but no thanks.

My online dating attempt apparently falls into the “epic fail” category. I honestly just do not see the point of sifting through a email box full of guys who actually chose to name themselves “goodkisser69” on a dating website. I would rather be single. I know at 28, the imaginary time clock may be a ticking time bomb for most people, but really I think I’m good.  Although I want to find someone to love, I think I would rather just wait for love to find me one day randomly on a trip to Starbucks or at a friend’s ugly Christmas sweater party…just sayin’.