Sexless In The Suburbs...Ladera Ranch, CA...Population: Families

I watched my cousin’s house in Ladera Ranch, CA this past weekend. Her place resembles a model home and I love staying there to watch Simon the pup. The only problem with her place may be the location.

Ladera Ranch resembles Pleasant-ville and reminds me of how totally single I remain. When I pulled up from work one day, I saw a gorgeous man, so I left my cousin a voice mail, “Hi. Everything is fine, but who is the gorgeous man across the street? Possibly married? Maybe even gay?”…My Cousin responded via text message, “I’m pretty sure the answer would be gay, because two men live there and the house is a one bedroom like mine. If he’s not gay, then definitely married!”

            Families reside everywhere. As we continue down the path of the adventures of me remaining sexless in the suburbs, you may realize that most events and places make me feel bad about being single at my age. In Ladera Ranch though the “ hey-you’re-freaking-old-and-single” dagger cuts deeper. The families that invaded the premises of this cookie cutter town in Orange County, CA, appear to be in their late 20’s and early 30’s.

As I smoked a cigarette on my cousin’s patio this weekend, I looked around and wondered if these parts of the American dream, (family, picket fence, Mercedes Benz) should be the path I begin to travel down, as I approach my thirties. I daydreamed of my life as a Botox Bitch, married to an OC firefighter, raising two children, because apparently that’s what everyone in Ladera Ranch decided to do at my age. Then I started to daydream about the hot gay guy across the street and became sad that all the good men seemed to be gay or married these days (well at least in Ladera Ranch that’s for sure).

 This place screams, “YOU ARE SINGLE” to me, especially when my cousin tells me not to sleep with anyone in her bed (Thought to self: “LOL, don’t worry cous, your dog probably holds a better chance of getting humped on a morning walk then I do in your bed). As the weekend came to a close, I observed more of these young lovebirds walking around Ladera Ranch, CA, with their screaming kids and their yappy Maltese’s. I decided 1) like a Saturday at Target, this city became a good form of birth control and 2) I’m happy that I don’t need to hire a babysitter in order to attend my BFF’s beer-crawl-29^th-birthday extravaganza this year. The perks of being single...just sayin’.